I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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