I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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