The best revenge is premature balding
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
