you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
