She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
not ubering you a puppy
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
