Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Im part way to drunk.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
