if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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