I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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