i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
