There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
