the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize