So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
is that a dick in a sweater?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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