I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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