I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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