I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
