thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
