Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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