My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize