I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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