apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
