Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize