just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
