i was rollin on her like bob the builder
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
