Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
