shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
