the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
