dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
