I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
