She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
