I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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