I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
