You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
