just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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