just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
my liver is dry heaving
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize