1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
