Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
