there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
