I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
