you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
