his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
