Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
