remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
