I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
