woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
