my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
