How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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