I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
