We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
