She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
