It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
