You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
how drunk are you?
Several
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize