u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
