What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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