Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
