If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
