I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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