dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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