its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We need to get me chipped asap
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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