I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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