It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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