I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
