where am i from again
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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