I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize