Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
