btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
