i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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