dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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