I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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