If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
