I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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