Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
