You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
