420 ftw
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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